I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
