so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
