the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
