I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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