once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Drunk is not a location!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
