p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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