There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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