you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
