dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
