Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
