A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
