nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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