She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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