so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She bit a glass in half.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
