His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
