you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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