I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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