He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
