You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
