please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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