Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize