what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
