I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
