She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
