He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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