Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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