Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
