I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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