I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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