im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize