I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize