I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
