I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
