We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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