When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
