Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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