but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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