one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
