I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
