I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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