dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize