If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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