im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize