It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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