WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I didn't notice because vodka
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
