I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
