More tranny stories later!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
