I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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