The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
