so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
