Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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