Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
