OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
