Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
