shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
