My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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