Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
