i always forget guys have bellybuttons
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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