i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
