Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
