absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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