Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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