u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
