I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
