When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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