I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
