u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
