the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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