so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
