Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
