Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
They are going to name an STD after you.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
