Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
