How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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