I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
